How many frogs will you kiss?

Continuation from the 2 week conversation.....From Self-gratification to true love and soul mates...

We went on to discuss love and what it means to each of us. The question was asked, Do you believe in true love, soul mates, and a love destined to be? How many frogs do we have to kiss before finding our princes and princess'?

I personally believe in Soul Mates. I also believe that we can have a Soul Mate in a friend and in a true love partner for life.  Both, if we are lucky enough to find them.

Most of us said yes to believing in a soul mate. A few of us said that we were not with our soul mates but loved the people we are with. One said that their best friend was their soul mate. One said they had found their soulmate but it didn't work out due to personal issues the soulmate had.

Can one person believe that they have truly found their soul mate and not the other? What if the two are connected, are together but one developes alcoholism, drug addiction or some other addiction that stops them from being free to love another more than what they are addicted too?

The next question was, what if you are already married or in a committed relationship and then meet your soulmate? Do you walk away from who you do love to be with your soul mate? Tough one to answer. Some said yes definitely. Some said no. Which led to the next question.

How do you know you're falling in love with your soulmate vs falling in love? Is there really a difference? How do you describe true love? Once you get past the lust stage, the I need to be with you every moment of the day phase, what is it that made you fall in love with this person in the first place?

The room got very quiet. We all thought about it for a moment. I don't believe that we came up with an answer that was acceptable for everyone. Love is different for each of us. Should it be though? Love is Love, right? So what makes it different for each of us? I believe it is the connection.

I think we will not accomplish all that we are meant to in this world until we are paired with our soulmate. I believe we were all created with meaning and are connected.The proof is out there. Doppelgangers, deja vu, and that instantaneous connection that you feel when you meet someone for the first time, but swear you know them. Sometimes you get a sense of something's off, or get an overwhelming feeling for no reason, or think of someone for no reason only to find out, that they were thinking of you or going through something.

I also believe that we will meet our soulmate but it is up to us to be open to it and not allow fear or any other obstacle to stop us from being together. Keep in mind, no fairytale is ever told perfectly. How often do you hear the story: we met, fell in love and lived happily ever after. I wonder why that is???

Until next time,

~It is what it is~

I Can't Get No...Satisfaction.....but I try and I try

First, you have to understand me. Random conversations turn into deep thought provoking ones. I can bring of a sense of security, comfort and ease to people that allows them to share their personal thoughts or problems with me. They happen in the most natural way and take on a life of it's own. I don't necessarily feel a deep personal connection with the person, it can be random. Honestly they are intimate conversations that best friends would have, but sometimes we are not. I believe they are conversations that are fated to be. I believe that we are connected in different degrees for a reason. Hopefully this explains me a bit better.

This conversation started 2 weeks ago and has turned into several different topics. I am humbled by the honesty that is given to me freely. The first topic was based on self gratification and the affect it can have on relationships.

We live in a world that is so superficial at times, that it is hard to know what is real and what isn't. It can seem so real in the moment but how do we know it is realism in the truest form?

Self gratification. We live in a world that has become the motto. Me me me. How far does it really go? This may seem way to personal for some of you, but hold your disdain because this does lead to somewhere of value. I was asked to blog about it. I have chosen the modest route in conveying the conversation.

There was a group of us talking and the question was posed if we self-gratify ourselves in the intimate sense. Then the conversation continued on:

If you answer yes to self-gratification and you are in a committed relationship, who do you think of when performing the task?

Is it your partner? Is it a fantasy person who is unobtainable? Like a movie/rock star etc...

Is it someone you know?

Regardless of who or what you think of, Do you consider it to be cheating??

The case for both sides were made.

The case for NO: It was a purely physical response of ones needs. Not focused on a particular person of knowledge. A form of Stress Management. A perfectly natural thing to do.

The case for YES: Done with a person of knowledge declares a definite crossing of the lines. Not willing to wait. Could lead to severe issues within the relationship.

All agreed it was a personal choice to be made, No right or wrong answer can be given.

As I sat down to blog about this, this perspective came to me that I will leave you with:

Out of the 12 people asked if they did, 9 said yes and 3 said no. The no answers were, it doesn't give the same satisfaction for them. Just not something that they do. It ruined a relationship.

I could take the nine yes as being selfish in a societal way. A society that is already all about Me Me Me.  If we are willing to take things into our own hands (no pun intended) for personal satisfaction, what does that say about us as a society? That we are not willing to wait for things to happen, so we do it ourselves? That we have more regard for our own needs than others?

How can we truly be a free world if we are so self-centered all the time? What message are we sending our youth that will be running the world one day?

You may think that this line of thinking is a stretch of the imagination, but is it really? All is well that ends well. Chaos has to begin somewhere.

There is an old saying that goes, "Charity begins in the home".

I think the question should not of been, do you consider it to be cheating on your partner, but do you consider it to be a selfish act? And how do you let that form who you are?


Until next time,
~It is what it is~

You have to know.......

We all start off life believing that the world revolves around us, individually. We believe that we are loved unconditionally just for being us. We are worthy of everything. We have a well of love to give.

Regardless of the circumstances we are brought up in, they do in fact mold our image of how we think of ourselves. Some point in our lives, we doubt ourselves. Our ability to love ourselves, to doing things, our looks, our intelligence, strength, and yes, our worth. Rejection from a loved one, friends, career and other things that happen to us over time can slowly teach us that, what we believed to be true, isn't always truth. 

We all have a story to share. Some more tragic than others, but none, the less worthy.  We make mistakes. We can't get past being a victim. We get involved with the wrong person who tears us down instead of building us up. We allow the self doubt to take over how we view ourselves. So much so, that when a good thing comes along, we doubt that we are good enough to have it, let alone keep it, so we push it away.

Subconsciously, I think, we sabotage it. You know exactly what I am talking about here. Sometimes you act out of character or screw something important up, but didn't want too and couldn't stop it from happening. The longer you believe that you are not worth anything, the longer you will be blind to the good happening in your life. Yes, blind. Filled with so much doubt, that you can't even see yourself being surrounded by good. You push people to the point of leaving. You back off from a promising career. You mismanage money so your always broke. You make people miserable around you just to even the playing field.  It is all connected to how worthy you believe you are. 

I am calling  you out. Yes I am. I get it. Everyone has a story and some leave nasty scars behind. I also know that there is a very small part of you that is terrified to believe in yourself. To believe that you are worthy of it all. That you are deserving. That you truly do deserve it all.

It is so scary for some of us to actually believe that we are worthy of the love we give out. That we do not know how to love ourselves. We have an undeniable birthright to love ourselves unconditionally, even when we fail at something. When a loved one fails us. When we get rejection after rejection. When we have a life filled with Monday's. 

We have the right to love ourselves. 

We are worthy of self love.  

Master the art of believing in yourself. Believing that you are worthy. Believing that you are better than good enough. Believing that you are capable of everything. 

But most of all,

Believing that YOU are worthy of being loved by YOU!!!

Until next time,
~It is what it is~

Goals

Goal-The result or achievement toward which effort is directed; sum; end.

I believe it is important to continually set goals for ourselves throughout life.  Personally and professionally.  

We can become complacent or bored with our careers or personal life if we do not challenge ourselves occasionally.  Do you have what it takes to set a goal and see it through? Do you get distracted with life? Do you give up when it gets to hard to achieve it?

Personally and professionally, we need to set goals so we can grow. We should get excited about learning or doing something new. The goal is the reward for time, energy and the lesson learned, while we are working towards the goal itself. 

So why do we give up on the journey? Life gets complicated, busy, and random things happen. We need to be reasonable and realistic when setting any goal. 

Life does not care what we have planned. It is going to happen regardless.  Sometimes it seems that we never obtain the goal and just give up. I think when that thought happens, we need to stop, evaluate what is going on in our lives for the moment, and decide if we need to extend the timeline of our goal. 

Example: I started a goal some time ago. I knew life would happen. I got injured. I got sick. I have a demanding job. I have a family to take care of. So there are times when I don't work towards my goal. That's the reality of my life. So, I extended my goal to what was reasonable for me. I stop from time to time but always start again. I have a date in mind to achieve my goal. I will get there because it is important to me. I let life happen as it will, but I do not allow it to alter me getting to my goal. 

There is nothing that can not be adjusted in this world if you are setting realistic goals for yourself. Time, patience, dedication and perseverance will get you to your goal. Do not let life change your journey towards your goal. It has to scare you a little bit. Other than trying something new, the scariest thing I can think of, is never achieving your goal in the first place.

You may just be surprised with what you discover about yourself and learn on the journey.

Then again, isn't that the purpose of the goal anyways? 

Until next time,

~It is what it is~

One Hour....

A friend posted this on my fb wall. I had to really think about this before I answered.

Some friends that I haven't spoken with in person for years came to mind. I also thought, as nice as that would be, I can do that now.

I took my time and thought it would have to be a meaningful chat. A once in a lifetime chat.

I chose God. I would really appreciate a person to person chat with Him. Not to question but to get a deeper understanding of my life here on earth. Also a check in would be good. Jackie, your on the right path kinda thing, Or Jackie, you have taken a wicked wrong turn here n there!

Seeing how this was probably meant to be a person with a human body. I would choose Bono from U2. I think he is well traveled, a great musician, and holds a deep perspective towards life. It would be a memorable chat!!

I am asking you. Who do you choose and why?

And if you think of someone that you could sit with for an hour to chat with that you haven't had the time for, why are you not doing that now?

Until next time,
~It is what it is~

A total waste of time.......

Have you ever heard a rumor about you that wasn't true? Have you ever been in a situation that appears to be something other than what it really is?  Do you waste your time explaining it to the wrong people?

I will make this clear for you. Someone who is not willing to believe what you have to say, has already passed judgment upon you. In their eyes, you have no other meaning to them. You are wasting your time with them.

It doesn't matter what you did or how you feel about something. It really doesn't matter to them. It really doesn't. They do not care.

Someone who cares about you will understand. They care about what is going on in your life. They understand that you may act one way and then do an about face and act a another way. They will believe you when you choose to explain.

Pay attention to whom you share your life with. Some people remember the details and others only remember the details of your life that only involve them.

Unfortunately, there are people in this world who only pretend to care about you for their benefit.

Choose who you share your life with wisely. Pay attention to how they talk about others. How they treat others.  How much they remember what is important to you.

Do not waste your time explaining yourself to someone who has already made their mind up about you.

There will always be rumors.

Those that care about you, will not give the rumor a second thought and will laugh about it with you.

Those that don't care are not worth your time or energy.

They can't hear what your saying anyways.



Until next time,

~It is what it is~

https://www.facebook.com/Jackiesview

Oreo.....your killing me!!!

The Oreo cookie strikes again.

I have been working a lot these past few weeks. I'm tired most days. After an extremely difficult day at work. It was one of those where everything goes wrong work a ridiculous amount of hours kinda day.

Anyways, I needed to pick up a few things before going home. I come across this new version of the Oreo and I'm like, NO, enough already!! I'm not having it. This is insane now.

Then it hits me. I don't just dislike the Oreo and what it represents  (see previous blog: look to the cookie) I do not want to choose from original, a limited edition, or a brand new flavor. I want the Original.

Why do we think that we have to improve upon the original version of something? Change it so much so, that it's a vague resemblance of the original. I get that variety is good. Is it better than the original when it no longer contains everything the original has?

Think about this for a moment. People will pay an enormous amount of money to obtain an original of something. What does that say to you?

I get wanting to improve. I'm always pushing myself to do better or be better. The difference is, me. I'm an original. I may make myself stronger, smarter, try new things or go to new places, but I am still me, an original. I do not change who I am like the Oreo does. Like society wants us to.

So, do what you want Oreo Cookie. Change flavors, be mini sized, double stuffed and however else you feel the need to change from the original version of you.

For me, I will keep on being the best most original version of me, without changing who I am.

Until next time,
~It is what it is~

Simple and Complex.....

Simple but understanding of the complexity of life.

I think life is viewed in black and white. The interpretation of life should always be done in grey. Love is passion. Life should be lived with passion and in that passion brings out the color of life.

When is anything in this life exactly what it appears to be? How often do we question what we are actually looking at?

I'm as real as I can be, probably 95% of the time. Why? Because sometimes I don't want to expose my true thoughts, I might not trust what's going on, or I might be waiting for the next move to play out before I make mine. I admit this to show you that we all have an interpretation of life. We have all learned that in this life, we need to look deeper and think differently in all of life's occurrences. Very rarely life just happens as we see it. People have motives, are coming from a perspective that we cannot always see, and life has taught us, that because we each have the freedom to think for ourselves, those thoughts will be different for each of us.

When you see a glass of water and it is filled to the middle of the glass, is it half empty or half full? The glass of water is black and white. Whether you view it as being half empty or half filled is the grey of life. The result ends up being colorfully expressed by the passion of your decision to which it is in fact half empty or half filled.

This is life. A simple way to be in the complex world we live in.


Until next time,
~It is what it is~

Forever Lost

As children, some of us, had an imaginary friend. Perfectly normal. Someone we could trust and be free with. A sign of a healthy imagination for most. For some us, it was an escape. Being able to allow us to be truly free.

Life can have harsh realities, even at an early age. These harsh realities will manifest into who we are and who we become. Most of us will recover and move past them. Allowing us to move from the past and into what the future holds for us. For some, it will not be so easy.

We wear many masks daily. The pain of the harshness never truly leaves us. It just merges with our future. We can be taught not to trust, not to love, to grow up way before we actually should, and never to be accepted for who we are. Also they may not have the support system they need.

Adults are looked as to be responsible mature adults. It is believed that as an adult we should know the answers to all. To be able to obtain the answers when we don't. The thing is some of the strongest adults I know actually have the best masks. You only see the strength they have. You don't see their pain. You don't see their brokenness. You don't see their tears. You don't see their loneliness. You see what they want you to see.

The strongest of adults don't know how to be any other way.

I wonder if they have an imaginary friend with whom they can be free with? A place where they can just be. A place they can be accepted and loved for not being strong. A place where they feel like a lost boy who has been found.

Makes me wonder if that is how they keep going.

We never truly know what one has to endure in this life. Not everyone shares every detail of their lives. The strong wear their masks well.

You may think they are living in a false reality of this world.

I think they are actually living in reality with a child like mindset of how to deal with the harshness of this world.

They can set it aside with a healthy imagination.

How about you?

Until next time,
~It is what it is~

~I LOVE YOU~

~I LOVE YOU~ 

In today's world, I believe, I love you, is said with an ease and not with the understanding of the true depth that the words come with. A love that is meant for lovers.

~I LOVE YOU~

Do we mean it when we say it in the moment? Are we just saying it in the moment because we are caught up in the feeling of the moment? When the moment passes, does the love also pass?

~I LOVE YOU~

Means you love this person. Does it mean forever? Deeply? Lightly? Whole heartedly? Is it just for a time? 

What does I love you, mean to you? Think about to who and how often you say it.

~I LOVE YOU~

How do we know when it is real? When it is meant to be forever? It is so different for each of us. What we see with others, does not mean that's how it's going to be for all. It's how it is meant to be for them.

~I LOVE YOU~

What if it's when we look into someone's eyes and we see all that we could possibly be and more? When we are with them, we don't just feel, we are. What if it's not a feeling but a knowing that brings out the act of love? An act that we know we can no longer do without but it is not possessive. It is freeing. It is honest. It is raw. There is no fear. There is an acceptance. A kindness. A beauty. A Tenderness. There is comfort. There is a bond. It makes you believe there is more in you and in them that has yet to be discovered. There is growth. There is courage.  It is an extension of each of you.

~I LOVE YOU~

I believe Love is an act. An act that brings out everything we have in us to the surface. There is no controlling it.

~I LOVE YOU~

Choose whom you say it to wisely. Mean it when you say it, each and every time. There are no take backs once it's said. An action has a reaction, always.

~I LOVE YOU~

Until next time,

~It is what it is~

Acceptance or Change which will it be??

This really says it all does it not? We are the result of our choices or lack of choices we make.

We can't blame anyone else. It is our decision to accept what life brings us or change it.

Choosing to do and be right with yourself is always the right choice to make. Accepting the situation for what it is can be a difficult. Not everything can be changed.

I do believe there is no difference in between acceptance and change. A wise person knows what can be changed and what needs to be accepted. They are taking responsibility either way. A choice needs to be made in order to continue on with life.

Accepting that things cannot change, can be challenging. It is tremendously hard to do nothing. It is so much easier to think our way of doing things will provide the best outcome. If that were the case, you would be God. We have to be willing to let go of what we know. Accept that it is meant to be just the way it is. By choosing to do something other than, accepting what it is, will make it something else.

You can believe with every ounce of your being that something is meant to be a certain way but as soon as you try to force it, it becomes something else. Accept what it is, for what it is.

You can change something into something else and it will not survive the change because you changed it.  If you are meant to change it, it will change into something so filled with life, it becomes better than it was before.

Knowing what to do in either case, is called living.

May you live a life well lived.

A life filled with acceptance and change.


Until next time,
~It is what it is~

Just be weird and let it be.....

I love when things just happen. I wasn't scheduled to work today but I was called in. It was only going to be for few hours. I thought, I will just go in, do what I have to and be done. 

Today had other plans for me. I really do dislike small talk with someone I know. If I know you, then we should be able to talk about anything and everything. Weird, strange, meaningful and the frivolous. They all mean something to me. 

The ones that I love the most are the unplanned ones. You can't plan the topic, the depth, or the weirdness of them. Sometimes I run into to someone and I get great advice or give them the same. Sometimes it's just to listen, laugh or catch up. 

Today's chat was completely unexpected, honest, not your normal topic and thought provoking.  It was a deep personal chat with an unexpected person and light at the same time. Unexpected due to the place setting and the nature of the chat. Their honesty brought out my own. It was just one of those raw honest chats that you just can't plan. It makes you think and gives you another perspective.

Which leads me to this post. How often do we just let the moment be? Things do happen for a reason. I could have not gone into work today. I could have chosen not to ask certain questions. They could of done the same and the conversation would have changed. 

How often do we appreciate the weird unexpected moments that life has to offer? Do we really see the moment when we are in it? Do we see it and allow it to be? 

Do we walk away from it because it is unexpected?

I know, way too many what if's.

I think we just need to let it be. Let life play out as it should. Be weird. Be random. Be vulnerable.

Just be.

Until next time,

~It is what it is~

I just wanted a cup of coffee!!

"COFFEE"

I like coffee. One of my son's works at Mcdonald's as a  kitchen manager. He told me a few weeks ago that any size coffee is $1.00.  I'm like YAY!!! 

Yeah that didn't last long. Each and every time I go through the drive thru to get a coffee, they screw up my order. I am only ordering a cup of coffee people!!!! It should not be that hard. 

One large iced-coffee, light cream and no sugar. Very simple or so I thought. The first time, they asked me what flavor would I like? Umm...none. So you want a large black iced coffee cream and sugar? No. I want a large iced coffee, light cream and no sugar. Your total is $1.07 drive up. I pay and go to the next window. Yeah, they try to hand me a coffee with extra cream. My son wasn't working.

I was running late leaving for work and didn't make myself a cup of coffee. I try the drive thu again. This time I was told that their coffee comes pre-mixed. I'm like, umm no it doesn't. Another lady comes on the speaker and says drive up ma'am. After an explanation of what I want, I go to the next window. Ugh..I tell her no, I wanted light cream not extra cream. She takes the cover of the cup, dumps some out and adds more coffee. I'm like umm really? My son was not working. 

I was driving home from work, tired, I think I'll just grab a coffee. I know, glutton for punishment. I will make this one easy. One large black iced coffee please, no cream, no sugar. Drive up. I am actually excited that it is going to so well!!! I pay and go to the next window. Ugh....she tries to hand me an iced coffee that looks like milk with a splash of coffee. I said slowly and clearly, "I didn't order that. I ordered one large, black, iced coffee." My son was not working.

I realize I live in a southern state. I realize I am trying to get coffee at a fast food place. I realize I am not ordering this coffee when in fact my son is working. I realize that I give way too many chances before I am done with something. I realize that I can only get the coffee I like when my son is working.  I own it.

What I now realize is that, people do not listen when they are not interested in what you have to say. You may be too oblivious to notice the signs. They don't remember past moments, they don't remember what they say to you, and they do not want to even pretend to be sorry for not paying attention to you in the first place.

Think about this for a minute. I'm sure you can now see or maybe you have seen and just gave an excuse for their behavior. 

I think maybe your giving way too many chances and it's time to stop. They are not worth your time and certainly not worth a dime. Ask yourself why you are accepting this behavior? What are you getting out of it? Stop it. That simple. Yes it really is. 

I will now have to drive out of my way to get a large light cream iced coffee with no sugar that will cost me more than a buck, but that's okay. 

I am worth more than a dollar anyways!!

And so are you!!!! 

Until next time,
~It is what it is~