Scars



We all know the saying, "Time heals all wounds". One of the truest statements there are.

What about the scar that is left behind? Scars fade overtime but never really go away completely. Does that mean we are not healed?  No. The impact of the initial hurt will determine the time it takes to heal the wound and the depth of the scar.

What happens when we love someone with a scar that runs deep? Are we willing to continually give that person the time and patience it takes for them to truly trust us completely? Do we use our own scars to determine how we treat them?  We need to be certain that our motivation for wanting them to trust us is a pure one. Everyone has expectations going into a relationship. Regardless if it's a friendship or romantic one. What if in a former relationship someone treated you emotionally bad? What if they put too many expectations on you? Is the scar of that making you do the same to them? There is a difference of what a person should tolerate, respect and allow. Knowing they have a difficult time with a certain behavior or issue should allow you to have patience that maybe you weren't shown previously. Keep in check with your own motivation first.

The one with the scar needs to realize that it is just that, a scar. It doesn't diminish the value of the scar or the pain associated with it. It needs to be worn or viewed with honor, not shame. Taking ownership of the hurt allows us to overcome it. We all have gone through one thing or another that we are not proud of, that damaged us, that changed or shaped us. Being a victim is not a shameful act. It took me a very, very, long time to acknowledge that. When it happens to you, you take on a sense of responsibility that we deserved it. I was stupid in believing the lies. I wasn't paying attention enough. I was vulnerable. It is a painful memory to think about so it is easier to use the scar as a shield. A justification of behavior. You cannot allow that behavior to continue. Feeling safe is not living. Bad things happen to good people. Do not allow the bad thing to shape you into someone your not meant to be. Instead, use it to make you grow stronger. "If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger" That is true. There is no reason as to why things happen except, it is life. Do not drive yourself crazy looking for a reason. There may not be one. It is what it is.

In any relationship there has to be a genuine unconditional love. This will ensure that you are acting in a pure motive that will help the other person come to terms with their own issue. Sometimes we are meant to hold someone's hand for a time that allows them to grow on the way of their journey. Leaving you as a person who helps them heal. Other times, you are meant to continue with them throughout their journey. Figuring out which one your on with this person is difficult at times, especially if you know and they do not. Patience, respect, unconditional love will help the scar to fade away. Some relationships bring every emotion that you have to the surface. Love. Hate. Happiness. Joy. Sorrow. Trust. Excitement. Drama.  Struggle. Frustration. Peace. Balance. But then don't we need to be able to experience all of it in order to truly live a life worth living? Aren't these kind of relationships the best kind? Why is it that when we think of happiness in a relationship we only think of the love n joy it can bring us? Life can be repetitive. Anything worth enjoying in life unfortunately can come with scars too.

I would rather live life to its fullest filled with unexpected twists, turns, pain, heartaches, love and yes, scars that can be shared and healed with someone. Rather than a life filled with roses and champagne daily.

What about you? Are you willing to heal n love the scar that makes the person you and they are?

Until next time,
It is what it is