Wants or Needs?

 

 

 

 

 

"I Want It All"
by Queen

 

 

The moment we are born we are able to communicate what we need. We instinctively know how to get our needs met from the people caring for us. We cry to get immediate attention. We smile to show our contentment. Life in it's simplest form I think. It is up to whom is caring for us to figure out exactly what our needs are.

 

Somewhere in our early years it changes from needs to wants. Somehow we learn that "things" are ours and if someone takes them from us, we want them back. Toddlers have a tough time learning how to share. They know that they want, it's theirs and theirs alone.

 

I believe that we are born not be alone in this world. Why then, do we get so self-centered?  How does this happen? I understand that a child is asserting their independence and learning how to fend for themselves so to speak.  Up to this point in life we have learned that someone will help us get what we need in life. This should show us that we are born into a sharing environment. It is through those terrible two's that we are taught to share, given what we need, and yes sometimes we get what we want. So we are shown how to function in our family through those living in our household, through cousins, friends and as we grow into adults.

 

When does it become more about wants and not about needs? My kids can tell you my immediate response when they ask me, "Mom, I really want blah-blah".  The answer is always, "And I want a million dollars" conversation ended.  They have learned that they need to explain their want or do some extra chores to earn a coveted want.  Same goes for when they believe I am not being fair. Standard response to that one is, (one of my favorites and they mimic my response), "I am here to teach you that in fact, life is not fair." I know I am not alone in teaching our young these lessons in life.

 

Sometimes there are just things that we want. With a passion, compulsion, or just because we want it. There are many collector's in this world. Wanting to make the world a better place by volunteering, giving back, donating, raising funds for a cause, wanting to help a friend or a stranger, wanting to pay it forward, wanting a good life for your family, and numerous other ways wants are a positive. Those wants are good wants.

 

What happens when we want and achieve this want by hurting others or ourselves. Addiction can be a way we start out coping with our own personal issues. I want a drink/drug/food just to take the edge off. Next thing you know we need the drink/drug/food just to function daily. We end up turning the want into a dangerous need. I want to make a lot of money to live a life of luxury. Soon it is never enough money and it becomes, I need to make more money to keep up with my life style. In love, we may pursue someone we want, only to realize that we fell in love with the chase and do not need the person.

 

There is another want that is harmful, when we hide who we really are. Are we ashamed? Vulnerable? Insecure?  To allow ourselves to believe that we are doing right by everyone else's standard and not our own. To want to conform to a lifestyle that is not truly who we are. The want to fit in, turns into the need to be accepted. Fear, rejection, being in the spotlight, and so many more reasons cause our wants to become buried. Wanting to please everyone will cause you to forget who you are.

 

Wanting to be you is the very best want there is in the world.  Wanting the best for you is good. The attitude matches the song. "I want it all, and I want it now" First, You have to want You.

 

How much do you want you?

 

Until next time,

~It is what it is~