The Silver Lining is You!

Regardless of what happens, you still need to be you. That's right, even when bad things happen.

This world can be so harsh and cruel sometimes, that you just want to give up. You may feel that you are not making a difference, odd man out, nobody seems to care or not even hear what you have to say. As frustrating as it can be, don't stop being you. The you, that you know, in your gut rings true.

Friends, family, and lovers, break our hearts and trust constantly.  So what's the point then? Why share ourselves? Why always give the best of you, only to be hurt in the end?

Why become bitter? Heartless? Why become just like them?

The world needs people like you, to balance out life.

The Ugly   Someone you hold close in your heart dies. Children dying way too young. Cancer/Disease eating away at you inch by inch til your nothing. Accidental death. Murder's and many, many, unspeakable truths that happen to people daily. If you watch the news, you know how horrid the world can be. When it happens to you personally, it takes something away from you. Being violated in any form. Any act of violence destroys you in the deepest way possible. Losing a loved one is heartbreaking. When it is unexpected, it becomes excruciatingly painful.  Sometimes there is no reason, no answers, just pain. It would be easy to allow ourselves to sink into the darkness and stay there, the pain seems that unbearable.

The Bad Broken trust. Being used. No self-worth. Having Anxiety. Humiliation. No inner peace. Giving up and just going with the flow, even when it makes you unhappy. It is bad when you allow the hurts and disappointments of life to change you into someone you're not meant to be. Sometimes we are so hurt, that we do not believe that we deserve better. In thinking that we do not deserve better, we succumb to life's trials. When someone or something good comes along we find a way to sabotage it, subconsciously or not. Feeling that we are never good enough or deserving of anything good, takes the good out of you.

The Good  Overcoming the trials of life. Getting stronger and wiser each time. Life experiences mold us into who we are or who we choose to become. We are able to help others through their trials. How better can we help each other than to lend a listening ear? Compassion? Empathy? Doesn't the world need more of that? It is not always about us, nor should it be. If we can not help one another in a time of need, than the bad and the ugly overcome us. We need to turn these experiences into positives. Some of us need to have that person who gets us through it. You could be that person for someone.

The Silver Lining. There are lessons in all things. Free will allows us to make choices in life. We may be the one who makes the choice or the receiver of the choice that has been made for us. Either way, these things will happen to us. We each have a story to tell and it's the best way we have in cheering others to continue on.


We need the cheerleaders in life.  It is because of them we are able to become the Good, survive The Bad and The Ugly. So, Thank You and keep doing what you do, the World needs you!!!

Until next time,
~It is what it is~

Do you see what my heart needs?

We need to be different, life would be boring if we were all the same. Different people bring out things in us that need to be let out.  Giving our heart to someone, should always challenge, inspire us, and continually allow us to grow.

What happens when we give it to someone who breaks it?  A heart can be shattered into a million little pieces, by a friend, lover, sibling, parents and anyone that we give it to. There is such a vulnerability within us when we open ourselves to be loved. We want to protect it fiercely and keep all pain from it. It is probably the most sacred thing to us. We go to great lengths to protect it from harm. A broken heart can make us feel that a part of us has died or is missing. That is how much we can love.

Is it worth the risk then? Why do we do it? Goes back to the whole, we weren't meant to be alone.  I think we all have the desire to be loved. As kids, we seek love from our family.  Then we grow up. We start looking for people who will make up our inna circle, the person who will love us forever, or what we hope will be forever.

How many breaks can the heart handle before it is broken completely? How many walls do we surround our broken heart with? How many scars do we allow to cover our heart before we even think of letting someone pry back those layers again?

I think some protection is good. We need to learn that we cannot allow ourselves to be stupid when it comes to love, with the exception of first love, that is unique. Plus there has to be a first, we have to learn.

Some of us learn at a young age, just how fragile our hearts can be. Unfortunately, families can be harsh teachers of love. The first layers are formed then. How we view our parents love, will have a huge impact on what we look for in our own partners in life.  The qualities we see in their love story, or what it lacks, is what we will want for our own. As kids we are sponges. We soak up what is around us, even if we are not paying attention. Simple really. Had a strong parent? Are you opposite or just like them? Had a missing parent? Is your spouse present and what you imagined having for yourself, for your kids? Had excellent parents? Are you trying to image your family like you had? A parent that had issues when you were a kid? Is your spouse or you a stronger version? Think about it.  You will find that I am not that far off.

Had your trust broken or betrayed as a kid? I say that lightly, but it's not.  Nor do I want to go into that depth at this time. Had a perfect childhood? I am trying to point out that we all have baggage from our childhood, good or bad, that we carry in our hearts into adulthood.

Whatever past love experiences you have had, you need to accept it for what it was.  Innocence can be stolen at young age, leaving you no choice but to be strong and move on. Having to be the parent, when you should of been the kid. Life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people.

Not everyone has the same exact life experience. We often think when there's that click between two hearts, they are the same. Rarely is that the case. We can have the same type of personality, morals, values, ethics and so on. Hearts can be similar but rarely, they are exactly the same. Different life experiences for each heart brings about different needs for each one. We need to heal our own hearts before finding the one that will make the scars fade, so much so, that the layers and walls will be easy to break down or not exist at all.

We want to be all that we can be, for the love of a friend or lover, but we often forget that the heart has the biggest need of all, to be placed next to the heart, that is not the same as ours, but will care for it as if it where their own.


Until next time,
~It is what it is~

I acknowlege that Pepsi & Coke can not be sold in the same restaurant!!

A few thoughts have been floating around for my next post. I couldn't decide which one to go with next. I am usually struck with a specific thought, in the moment, and go with it. They are not pre-thoughts to the degree of having it planned out in my head before hand.  It always has been a word or phrase that will be stuck in my mind and in the moment. I saw this picture and just instantly knew which one to go with.

(Side note, yeah this is pretty much how my mind works, from the most unlikely places I will find inspiration, insane idea, or an adventure. I know this makes me unique, different, most definitely one of a kind and just me. I am sure some of my friends are like, seriously? You got this from that? Ok, have another margarita!! But I do keep their lives interesting!!)

Acknowledgement in the fact of the society we live in influences our life choices daily. Subconiously or not, it does.

We can try to say that we make our own choices and decisions but what are our influences?

Media, for one, is a huge influence. We are literally having to choose what news channel to believe in. Which newspaper will give us the complete story, with the most truth in it, if any at all. Insanely sad.

Television ads are out of control. Do we actually need an add for toilet paper? Seriously? Think about that for a moment. We all need the product, that's a given, we will purchase it, another given, so why do we need an ad for it? I won't even get into pads, tampons and all the other personal products that are needlessly advertised. Do they think, hey let's spend millions of dollars on advertising a product constantly, like toilet paper, during a TV show, cause you know, the public will not know that there is a product made for this specific problem and they are too stupid to walk up n down an aisle at the store and think for themselves as to which product they need. For the record, I am not embarrassed by these commercials, I foster an open policy with my kids and much to their embarrassment, if asked what a product is used for, I will give them the truth. I seriously think they are a waste of money and my time. Yes, I use Netflix and Hulu Plus. Getting side tracked here, can you tell I am passionate about this topic?

Anyways, ads have an edge to them that brings out competition, morals, standards, and ethics.  They are not made just for introducing a new product anymore. They are sending out messages that do influence in a way they never did before. I get that, sometimes, they are trying to make light of a main issue that we are facing and that's not so bad. Sex sells. Modesty does not. Language gets the point across.

Problem is Pepsi and Coke can not be sold in the same restaurant. Why? They want you to believe that one product is better than the other and you are less of a human being if you do not like/ buy the "right" one. Instead of it being about, taste or preference, it's about which one is the right one. What started out as a harmful message, is now deemed which, in fact, product is better to be seen with. Pepsi drinkers are blah blah and Coke drinkers are blah blah. Well I do not want to be classified by what I prefer to drink. What used to be a comical rivalry is now, who is better?

Let's take one step further. Media shows us that it's you or me kind of world. Best of the Best for you.  Think about the destruction of the family unit. TV ad's and shows were family focused at one time. Some competition, but mainly regular family values and some still are. Hasbro with their family game night for example. Kids are already learning about the "food chain of survival" at school. Now when they watch TV or see and add, through many media sources, it is also projecting a self-centered want the best for me attitude. Their friends are in the same boat. Their friends that they go to for advice. Mom and dad can be stressed out by striving for better n better, that they are not always available to their kids. (another side affect these days) What is the message they are receiving? That everything that surrounds them, is telling them to be self-centered.

Friends are hard to make these days. It is hard to know who has an agenda and who doesn't. I am so sick of hearing the words, "That's on me" or "my bad" when someone does wrong. We can't even say the words, "I am Sorry" and take full responsibility for our actions. I can not tell you how many people will say to me, "I thought we were friends and I can't believe that they did this to me. Why? What did I do wrong?" How can we expect anyone growing up in today's environment to be a giving person, when the whole world is telling them to be selfish? Even when we are wronged, we are looking at ourselves for the reason.  How absurd is that?  Why are you looking at yourself for being treated badly and being nice in the first place? Again, Media has shown us, that being "good or nice" is not always what is best for us.

The news focus is on reporting the bad in the world. Given with their view and not the whole truth. I know that there are thousands and thousands of "good" stories that can be reported, but it won't get them high ratings, or stir up controversy. What does that say about our society? Think about that. Good news stories do not produce high ratings or divide the masses. WOW!!

I will continue to force my kids, and myself, to get as much time as possible away from the message of today's Media. It is a sad and difficult task, but I will continue to be the old fashioned voice of reason. It wasn't so bad playing outside until we were dirty and the street lights came on. TV shows were a form of entertainment. TV commercials were used to introduce a new product. Families had dinner together each night. We were taught to take care of each other and to be kind to our neighbors. That competition was healthy. We may have been criticized for our choices. They were our choices to make. Family was the center of the world.

The next time someone does me wrong, when and if they say, "My Bad" I think I will respond with, I acknowledge your "My Bad" because Pepsi and Coke can not be sold in the same restaurant.

Until next time,
~It is what it is~

it is TIME....

Do you have a significant other? A person whom you love unconditionally?

Do you love them without a doubt?

Do you commit yourself to them daily?

Do you forgive them easily?

Do you give them all that you have to give of yourself?

Do you make sure their needs and wants are met with the best of your ability?

Do you ensure their happiness daily?

Do you put them first?

Do you make sacrifices for them?

Do you want the best for them?

Do you give them help without them asking or willingly do so when they do ask?

Do you understand them more than they understand themselves?

When they are sad, are you willing to do what it takes to make them happy?

Do you enjoy their company?

Do they drive you crazy sometimes and your ok with it?

Do they bring you a sense of contentment?

Can you picture your life without them in it?

Would you drive 4 hours to spend 1 hour with them?

Would you travel 100 miles to purchase something of sentimental value for them?

If you answered yes, then your obviously in love with this person. I want you to look over the list of questions again. Really look at what your willing to do for someone you love with ease.

Now ask yourself this, do you love yourself the same way?

If you answered no, isn't time that you did?



Until next time

It is what it is

The planted seed.....

We all have those moments that start from within and consume us with a sadness. We feel blue. The feeling will come on quick and pass just as quickly. Sometimes it lingers a bit longer and stays awhile.

I think we always know where it stems from, well at least 90% of the time. A pint of ice-cream and a tear jerker of a movie can be a great cure for the blues. A trip to the gym, gun range, or whatever your release is, will chase those blues away.

What happens when it lingers? Always lurking beneath the surface. Do we drown out that part of us or do we own it? By drowning it out, we are just keeping it inside of us where it can continually hurt and stifle us.

Denial can be a state of comfort. We can bury our true feelings so deep, we simply just forget about them until they seep through from time to time. Are we too proud to admit that we don't have it all together? That we hurt? That we feel? That we have been wounded so deeply that we just want to forget. This way of thinking allows us to keep a wall surrounding us, not only from others, but ourselves also.

You are not you. Not the who you should be. You can kid yourself into believing otherwise, but you know. It is there lying right beneath the surface waiting to be let out. Your story to be told.  It is just that, a chapter in your life.

What is keeping you from letting it go? We all have a story to be told. We have either been a victim, survivor, hero or protector, sometime in our lives. Moments are not always a pretty thing. They can leave a nasty scar behind. Some are so ugly, we do not even check to see how the scar healed or if it didn't at all.  Denying who you truly are is not the answer. Nobody wants to revisit pain. It is easier to pack it up and forget about it. Admitting that we made a mistake of who we are and denying that mistake, to keep appearances, is a pain that we can only keep buried for so long.

To think that it will not make a difference in our lives now, is denial. You can continually search for something but never truly find it. Yes, you can forget for a time, but it will not last long until the sadness slowly makes it way back. Sometimes it is nothing so sinister. It is a simple fact that we are not being true to who we are. In the wrong career, relationship, or living in the wrong place will have the same affect on us.

God, the universe, fate or destiny will have away of bringing you to a place that you will have to make a decision about you, until you are exactly where you are supposed to be. No amount of denial, changes you make, repression that you give, will change that. Seeds will continually be planted along the way.

It is up to you to decide if this is another seed for thought or the seed that causes the bloom within you.  Which will it be for you?

Until next time,
~It is what it is~

Wants or Needs?

 

 

 

 

 

"I Want It All"
by Queen

 

 

The moment we are born we are able to communicate what we need. We instinctively know how to get our needs met from the people caring for us. We cry to get immediate attention. We smile to show our contentment. Life in it's simplest form I think. It is up to whom is caring for us to figure out exactly what our needs are.

 

Somewhere in our early years it changes from needs to wants. Somehow we learn that "things" are ours and if someone takes them from us, we want them back. Toddlers have a tough time learning how to share. They know that they want, it's theirs and theirs alone.

 

I believe that we are born not be alone in this world. Why then, do we get so self-centered?  How does this happen? I understand that a child is asserting their independence and learning how to fend for themselves so to speak.  Up to this point in life we have learned that someone will help us get what we need in life. This should show us that we are born into a sharing environment. It is through those terrible two's that we are taught to share, given what we need, and yes sometimes we get what we want. So we are shown how to function in our family through those living in our household, through cousins, friends and as we grow into adults.

 

When does it become more about wants and not about needs? My kids can tell you my immediate response when they ask me, "Mom, I really want blah-blah".  The answer is always, "And I want a million dollars" conversation ended.  They have learned that they need to explain their want or do some extra chores to earn a coveted want.  Same goes for when they believe I am not being fair. Standard response to that one is, (one of my favorites and they mimic my response), "I am here to teach you that in fact, life is not fair." I know I am not alone in teaching our young these lessons in life.

 

Sometimes there are just things that we want. With a passion, compulsion, or just because we want it. There are many collector's in this world. Wanting to make the world a better place by volunteering, giving back, donating, raising funds for a cause, wanting to help a friend or a stranger, wanting to pay it forward, wanting a good life for your family, and numerous other ways wants are a positive. Those wants are good wants.

 

What happens when we want and achieve this want by hurting others or ourselves. Addiction can be a way we start out coping with our own personal issues. I want a drink/drug/food just to take the edge off. Next thing you know we need the drink/drug/food just to function daily. We end up turning the want into a dangerous need. I want to make a lot of money to live a life of luxury. Soon it is never enough money and it becomes, I need to make more money to keep up with my life style. In love, we may pursue someone we want, only to realize that we fell in love with the chase and do not need the person.

 

There is another want that is harmful, when we hide who we really are. Are we ashamed? Vulnerable? Insecure?  To allow ourselves to believe that we are doing right by everyone else's standard and not our own. To want to conform to a lifestyle that is not truly who we are. The want to fit in, turns into the need to be accepted. Fear, rejection, being in the spotlight, and so many more reasons cause our wants to become buried. Wanting to please everyone will cause you to forget who you are.

 

Wanting to be you is the very best want there is in the world.  Wanting the best for you is good. The attitude matches the song. "I want it all, and I want it now" First, You have to want You.

 

How much do you want you?

 

Until next time,

~It is what it is~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 



Honesty has a price

Truth. A simple enough word. Carries a lot of weight. Can build you up, just as fast as it can tear you down. People swear by it, deny it, use it to their advantage, and will use it against you in a heartbeat.

What happens when someone asks you to give it to them straight? Do you risk telling them what your not sure they are ready to handle? Do you tell them in hopes that they can handle it?

Being genuine, real and giving it your all to help someone is the way everyone should be. Telling the truth will only help you keep it real. Trying to find the right words is the hardest part.  You want to be able to deliver the truth but in a way that they can handle hearing it. Timing is another important factor. We can't always be in the right moment or space. Our own personal feelings need to be put aside. This isn't about you, it's about them. Hopefully they will be able to HEAR what it is you are saying. That is not always the case.  They can be grateful for you telling them what they needed to hear.  It can be a life changing moment. It can also be the end of your relationship.  Even though people say they want to hear the truth, sometimes they can't handle it.

What if the truth is way to much to handle? Vulnerability. Nakedness.  Emotions. The rawness of what the truth brings can cause us to lie out of protection.  Not saying what our emotions are telling us, is a lie. Why is it so difficult then? We tend to complicate things by lying, when in fact just saying what we need to in that moment of time would be the simplest thing we could possibly do. Once the lie is told a new story will unfold.

This may seem simple.  Unfortunately, in today's society, it is not. If your like me, you are constantly amazed at how people will use lying and manipulation to get what they want.  They also believe that this has immense value and power.

There is a problem with that way of thinking. Emotional honesty doesn't come at a cost.  It is priceless. That, alone, has immense value and true power.


Until next time,
It is what it is

Wipe the slate clean....

 

You read that right. Let it all go.  All of it. It can be done.

Everyone deserves a clean slate. Fresh start if you will. Not one person is perfect. Not. One. Be wise to remember that.

I, for one, can be so critical of myself. I always push myself to do better and get so disappointed when I don't achieve as much as I wanted to. I always think that I could of done it differently or better.  Have you done that? Accept that you have done what you needed to at the time. It is okay. Time to Let it go and try again. Do not let one defeat, or several, stop you if you know, with a passion, that this is what you are meant to do.

Someone recently reminded me that I have been working with them to LET IT ALL GO and yet I am not doing that. I am allowing myself to hold on to past hurts. Funny how we do that, isn't? We get afraid to be hurt again, so we hold on. To what though? The pain, so we don't forget the lesson learned? The memory, so we don't make the same mistake again? Yes we need to remember how we got hurt, but can not allow us to stop doing it all together. In reality, the damage has been done already. So what are we holding on to exactly? Time to Let it go!!

Forgiveness is letting it all go for that person or moment that you are willing to actually let it all go for. Sometimes it is rather difficult to forget what has been done, never mind forgiving them too. I believe it all depends on what your forgiving determines how hard or easy it will be to forgive. Was it intentional? Emotional? Frustration? Mean? Mistake? It really doesn't matter what was done. Holding on to anything will only destroy you, not them. We are human. Not perfect. Not all knowing. There is a fine line between love and hate. The important thing to do is to forgive for your well being.

So what happens when we decide to forgive? Can we honestly give a clean slate? Is there such a thing as one? A fresh start? Can this be done? I believe so.  Most of us are capable of unconditional love. That is the base. Think childlike. You broke my toy. I cry. You say your sorry. I forgive you. We let it go and continue playing. It is when we become adult like minded is when it gets complicated. You disappointed me. Your expectations where unreasonable. I didn't understand. I am sorry. I forgive you. We let it go and go on. Sometimes as, adults, we have to move on by letting go of each other. Knowing when it is time to do that is when you no longer find it easy to forgive.

Seek to understand. Put yourself in their shoes. Change your perspective. Try a new angle until you succeed. Look at fear and worries with both eyes wide open and take it head on. A broken heart is one that has loved passionately. Mistakes and failures only mean that you tried. Tears mean that you cared. Forgiveness means that you are willing.  Make moments. A life that was well lived and lived to the fullest.

The beauty of it all, is that Tomorrow, you get a Clean Slate once again. Forgive easily. Try again. Take each day as a Clean Slate. Those that are meant to be there by your side, will be. Not One, Not One, of us are perfect. Be wise to remember that.

Until next time,
It is what it is



Scars



We all know the saying, "Time heals all wounds". One of the truest statements there are.

What about the scar that is left behind? Scars fade overtime but never really go away completely. Does that mean we are not healed?  No. The impact of the initial hurt will determine the time it takes to heal the wound and the depth of the scar.

What happens when we love someone with a scar that runs deep? Are we willing to continually give that person the time and patience it takes for them to truly trust us completely? Do we use our own scars to determine how we treat them?  We need to be certain that our motivation for wanting them to trust us is a pure one. Everyone has expectations going into a relationship. Regardless if it's a friendship or romantic one. What if in a former relationship someone treated you emotionally bad? What if they put too many expectations on you? Is the scar of that making you do the same to them? There is a difference of what a person should tolerate, respect and allow. Knowing they have a difficult time with a certain behavior or issue should allow you to have patience that maybe you weren't shown previously. Keep in check with your own motivation first.

The one with the scar needs to realize that it is just that, a scar. It doesn't diminish the value of the scar or the pain associated with it. It needs to be worn or viewed with honor, not shame. Taking ownership of the hurt allows us to overcome it. We all have gone through one thing or another that we are not proud of, that damaged us, that changed or shaped us. Being a victim is not a shameful act. It took me a very, very, long time to acknowledge that. When it happens to you, you take on a sense of responsibility that we deserved it. I was stupid in believing the lies. I wasn't paying attention enough. I was vulnerable. It is a painful memory to think about so it is easier to use the scar as a shield. A justification of behavior. You cannot allow that behavior to continue. Feeling safe is not living. Bad things happen to good people. Do not allow the bad thing to shape you into someone your not meant to be. Instead, use it to make you grow stronger. "If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger" That is true. There is no reason as to why things happen except, it is life. Do not drive yourself crazy looking for a reason. There may not be one. It is what it is.

In any relationship there has to be a genuine unconditional love. This will ensure that you are acting in a pure motive that will help the other person come to terms with their own issue. Sometimes we are meant to hold someone's hand for a time that allows them to grow on the way of their journey. Leaving you as a person who helps them heal. Other times, you are meant to continue with them throughout their journey. Figuring out which one your on with this person is difficult at times, especially if you know and they do not. Patience, respect, unconditional love will help the scar to fade away. Some relationships bring every emotion that you have to the surface. Love. Hate. Happiness. Joy. Sorrow. Trust. Excitement. Drama.  Struggle. Frustration. Peace. Balance. But then don't we need to be able to experience all of it in order to truly live a life worth living? Aren't these kind of relationships the best kind? Why is it that when we think of happiness in a relationship we only think of the love n joy it can bring us? Life can be repetitive. Anything worth enjoying in life unfortunately can come with scars too.

I would rather live life to its fullest filled with unexpected twists, turns, pain, heartaches, love and yes, scars that can be shared and healed with someone. Rather than a life filled with roses and champagne daily.

What about you? Are you willing to heal n love the scar that makes the person you and they are?

Until next time,
It is what it is